Quitter

 Its been 3 days since I officially quit my job but I still havent tell a single soul well except those who already knows, my former sup , my sister, and 3 other beings. Well I don’t really know. Im not worried about money right now, Ive been thinking about how to tell them but I cant even think of a way. Maybe because I didn’t know why im having a hard time spilling it. I keep asking how it was so easy for others to tell someone whatever decision they have or they have done. 4 years and a half is not a joke and for sure I am aware of it. Others might say im being impractical, well I cant argue with that since that is true. I might come out as impulsive well maybe, but Ive been thinking about it got the last few months, maybe a year ago. Im the kind that gets bored easily, I don’t socialize or what others say make many friends. I cant do that because well as ive said I lost interest. Yes, especially people. Sometimes theyre just too easy to read, one glance and youll know theyre not gonna stay for long. Like seasons. Back to quitting  my job , the plan was to wait until March, since that is the time for graduation but of course shit happens, I took it as a sign, funny and impulsive you may say but yes I did. My attitude hits back in an ugly way I don’t know how many times. Maybe because im already stuck. I dont find it worth staying for like before that I can still force myself to carry on with the job and so I quit. Loser right? You know that feeling that your earning you can buy what interest you, or if not right away I know I can save for it. My previous teammate told me that I shouldnt feel “napagiiwanan” since I sent my self to school alone at that, I have a job while others are fighting for it, I can even call my self professional and I should be proud knowing how independent I can be. But why does it feels like I still don’t have any direction? Why am I lost?

 

I quit my job in Cebu because I know I need to grow. And looking back that was one of the best decision it leads me to where I am today. Following my rejections after, I decided to go and send myself to college so one day I can proudly say I made it. So one day those rejections will no longer hurt me and those who insulted and didn’t believe will at least regret what they’ve said before. Yes, others may say that is wrong because I was aiming for revenge but for me it doesnt matter because thats what pushed me to carry on the job even if I know im not fit for it. Imagine how a person that doesnt like talking to someone shes not comfortable with, a person who doesnt say hi unless someone came to her first, a person who doesnt have enough patience to even repeat what she had said has become a call center agent for almost 5 freakin years. Well , I was going on about this because maybe I was still trying to justify the decision I made. Whats funny is I don’t even know why im explaining, why I was so hesitant to tell them and why I am still thinking what others may think.  One thing im sure is I wont regret it, It might have come early than planned but I know this is what I want. And you know whats stupid about it, I always convince myself and I even gave advice not to think what other people say but in the end im always the one getting slap by it, I came to realize that ive always been thinking about the disappointment that I will hear or maybe see. Why is it always hard to do what you want and just let the others fuck off? Why?

 

 

 

By Swadee . 1/16/22