It’s funny how we always end doing the things were trying to avoid. I always have this mantra that if someone feels bad about something especially if it involves a certain person, that someone should tell the person what's wrong about them instead of ghosting or ignoring the person. You know what's funnier? I'm not that braved. I really, really want to do a confrontation especially if the situation is getting worse but In the end I always wait for things to go on their own. Loser right? It was terrible and I exactly know the feeling as well if a certain person totally ignores without telling or giving a hint on what's wrong. But maybe there are things that are better to be left unsaid. I know now and I perfectly understand why others are struggling to tell someone how irritating they are or how much they hate a certain person. And I also know how empty someone can feel if somebody starts ignoring them like strangers in a cross roads. I actually don’t like that scenario because for me it would have a big and negative impact how you see yourself. As for me, it always makes me think that I’m not good enough and I might be too insensitive and that I might be too cruel with someone.
The feeling that I have right at this moment can be compared to big fat hypocrite. I cant find the courage to tell her how I end up not greeting her on the hallway, how I stop liking her post and how I fast I turn around when she's on the way. Well maybe because they might think that I’m overacting because for her it might be a joke but for me it looks like she crossed the line there. Well this is so not me. I don’t defend a colleague and I don’t get angry because of a certain person its just that the joke went too far and I don’t like it even though the insulted ass is not me but it particularly refers on how choose people around me and I don’t like it. So I ignored the bitch and maybe she noticed since after a few days she approached me. And that’s the time I felt how it is for those who suddenly shuts off others. Maybe its about the timing, I don’t feel the urge of confronting her but it doesn’t mean that I wont. But now, she completely ignores me as well. And I’m not me if I will be the one who’ll chase after these. So let it be.
I’m still proud how I suddenly notice that this is not what I believe in. But maybe we really cant tell unless where on the same shoes they were in. I don’t know how it goes but yeah maybe we can figure it out. As for me, I don’t actually give a damn since I feel like I have the right to still feel that way because in the first place I was insulted and worst it makes me feel that someone always have the right to criticize my choices. I’m a liar if I will deny that I don’t judge others but at least I know when to shut my mouth off.
~~ Swadee x_x `]
2/5/2020.
