FRIENDS???

 

Do you ever know someone who will send you a message just to use “you” , your name just for their own benefit? If you have encountered these kind of people then I can definitely relate. The reason why  their parents don’t trust them anymore is them. Breaking someone’s trust is always the worst , especially when its your parents, but of course it is happening outside the homes too, everyone can experience this, either you can break someone's trust or you’ll lost the trust you have for them, its just that it always comes to worst on parents. Well, I cant 100 % relate, since we are not that open with each other and it was a long time since I lived with them but still I can imagine it, and I know I wouldn't want it if ever that the situation is different with my situation right now but yes , I have my tiny share too, I remember going home drunk when I was 16. Back when my mother is still with us. You'll get reprimanded and they will look at you not the same way before. Right?

 

There are those who have broken their parents trust not just once but about a dozen times already and still act like they’re being bullied by their parents, or maybe act like the situation is not getting better and will always say that maybe they just don’t have luck with the kind of parents they have. And that's really one hell of bullshit to take. I just cant take it. You’re lucky enough if your parents are still with you, might be living in the same house or just simply being alive even if they're old and cant carry you in their arms anymore.

Anime: The Genius Prince Guide to Raising a Nation Out if Debt

For those who still have this privilege , you are lucky and you should treasure it as much as you’re heart can hold.

 

Making a mistake is normal, we should learn from it and put it behind our back after not do it again and again. Doing it again is being stupid and you know it but you’re still providing excuses to justify it. Worst is, someone can just lie easily to get what they want even compromising their parents trust that is already broken. Imagine a broken thing getting smashed again? Is it hard to at least forget about nonsense whims? For your mother. And you want someone to cover up for you? You want someone to lie for you and fool your mother? She didn’t even judge you after what happened? After you left here heart broken and her mind wary of worrying over you while you are flirting with a guy whose not even worthy? Did she judge you? No. Did she kick you out? No. She still supported you and even pay your tuition fee, even after lying that you enrolled in that semester when in fact all you did was waste her money , helped you when you decided to quit your job and was still even their when you got another job. SHE IS STILL THERE. AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. And you know what? That's what I envy about you, you have a very strong woman beside you. Even when I'm visiting often but I can feel her care and her vast understanding. But I don’t understand why you can lie to her that easily? Why do you keep repeating the same mistakes?

 

And don’t regret saying NO to any request especially if that will hurt someone who doesn’t deserve the pain. I wont lie to the old woman to cover for you, first, she doesn’t deserve to be fooled and second, I don't think you treated me as a friend more like someone that you can used whenever you can. I will always say NO since its clear as day that you’re just using me. I hope one day you'll see how hard it is for her getting lied to by her own daughter. How she keeps her disappointments to herself to avoid hurting you. She's always smiling wanting the best for you. How can you be awful?

 

To someone out there, if ever you feel that somebody is using you for their own convenience don’t be afraid to say NO. Nobody has the right to make someone their doormat and no parents or someone who is capable of love deserve to get hurt. Don’t be afraid to walk away especially if that can help someone keep their smile. Stop wasting your time on someone who only remembers to call you if ever they need someone to do their dirty tricks. Someone who will made you lie to her mother so she can meet up with her friends and just leave you alone like you don’t matter? Wake up and don’t be afraid to lose someone along the way, its always the best who stays.

 

 

-- Swadee x.x

3/18/22. 

Confrontations are Hard for Introverts

  

It’s funny how we always end doing the things were trying to avoid. I always have this mantra that if someone feels bad about something especially if it involves a certain person, that someone should tell the person what's wrong about them instead of ghosting or ignoring the person. You know what's funnier? I'm not that braved. I really, really want to do a confrontation especially if the situation is getting worse but In the end I always wait for things to go on their own. Loser right? It was terrible and I exactly know the feeling as well if a certain person totally ignores without telling or giving a hint on what's wrong. But maybe there are things that are better to be left unsaid. I know now and I perfectly understand why others are struggling to tell someone how irritating they are or how much they hate a certain person. And I also know how empty someone can feel if somebody starts ignoring them like strangers in a cross roads. I actually don’t like that scenario because for me it would have a big and negative impact how you see yourself. As for me, it always makes me think that I’m not good enough and I might be too insensitive and that I might be too cruel with someone.

 

The feeling that I have right at this moment can be compared to big fat hypocrite. I cant find the courage to tell her how I end up not greeting her on the hallway, how I stop liking her post and how I fast I turn around when she's on the way. Well maybe because they might think that I’m overacting because for her it might be a joke but for me it looks like she crossed the line there. Well this is so not me. I don’t defend a colleague and I don’t get angry because of a certain person its just that the joke went too far and I don’t like it even though the insulted ass is not me but it particularly refers on how choose people around me and I don’t like it. So I ignored the bitch and maybe she noticed since after a few days she approached me. And that’s the time I felt how it is for those who suddenly shuts off others. Maybe its about the timing, I don’t feel the urge of confronting her but it doesn’t mean that I wont. But now, she completely ignores me as well. And I’m not me if I will be the one who’ll chase after these. So let it be.

 

I’m still proud how I suddenly notice that this is not what I believe in. But maybe we really cant tell unless where on the same shoes they were in. I don’t know how it goes but yeah maybe we can figure it out. As for me, I don’t actually give a damn since I feel like I have the right to still feel that way because in the first place I was insulted and worst it makes me feel that someone always have the right to criticize my choices. I’m a liar if I will deny that I don’t judge others but at least I know when to shut my mouth off.

 

 

 

                           ~~ Swadee x_x `]

 

 

2/5/2020.