If Wishes do really come true

 hi there. nevermind. im 99 % sure no one is reading this shit but just in case. 

Tomorrow is the last day of the current year. Still me. Pathetic, unemployed still not a risk taker obviously and almost out of confidence. If only i knew that this is how my life will turn out i would have been a cloud or something just to avoid being human. And yes, btw i still dont like my own kind. 

so, the year is ending, no record breaking changes for me and about less than 48 hours to new year here i am feeling my heart hurts. Literally. Why do people make bad stupid decisions and find something or someone to blame? Humans have the heart and especially the brain to know exactly what they were doing and the decisions theyre making. in short they knew right from wrong. its just bullshit why they still choose to trampled on others, be stupid enough that i want to end them even of we were blood related. i hate them . They make matters worst and blame you in everything. Like what the hell? Suck it up asshole its you and your stupid ass decision. 

I always hate to be blame by something i didnt do. Especially if i know that i already made or did my part. Why would they blame the world if they're the one putting theirselves in such bullshit situations? Theyve got brains but theyre surely a big idiot. And i dont care about that toxic culture, "No matter what happens, your family." I dont give a damn People should stop tolerating someone just because you belong to the same fucking family tree. If you choose to commit something that can hurt someone and is obviously a big type of stupidity then i hate you no matter who you are, and dont blame me or put some salt on me, trying to play the fucking victim. It wont work on me. When i hate you, i hate you. Yes thats me. I am horrible. At least i refuse to be taken advantage.

Occasions like this are always celebrated in this country or to almost all of my kind. But there might be something in this fuck up life of mine that every time there is something to be celebrated i always ends up getting frustrated and just want to forget everything and sleep and never wake up. Every freaking time. Birthday. Christmas. New year or even  on days i thought might be different from all the days.

As i said if i will be given a chance to leave everything behind i would definitely do it. Forget everything and hope that my dogs will be safe. Even if im no longer there.

IF WISHES DO REALLY COME TRUE and if there is really someone who can hear it. Please i dont want this same pain in my next life. 

Wednesday

 Kids are always asked what will they want to be when theyre older. What would be their dream job. Their goals. We all became kids at some point. Once. Others were lucky while of course there those who just wants to get old right away. Well for me, there are memories I would like to keep but I cant say I love my childhood wholeheartedly. I have some traumatizing experiences and unfortunately unlike some other kids that eventually forgot about that part of their lives I just cant. I have a very poor memory but heavy things and memories have the power to stay. I don’t know if its a curse or maybe I should be thankful about it. After all vengeance, hatred are what motivates me.

 

 

Most girls want to be successful, pretty and famous when they grow up. Well I want success but nothing else. This is me, someone who doesnt have the luxury to dream of how should I treat my skin or what make up and dresses are in. Im not that kind of girl. And im glad im different.

They may want to be miss Universe or a muse or some talented popstar. But all I can remember when I was at that age was how to become rich and travel the world.

 

So while others dreamt of that disney life or be taylor swift here I am wanting to be Wednesday Addams.

 

I first watched that weird family in an animated series, and I know instantly that they will be my favorite family. No human dramas. Which I like, and Wednesday will always be my favorite girl. Alone, fierce, savage and doesnt like humans. Well the only difference is, I love animals and she don’t.

 

Morbid thoughts, that was how bright minds work for me. No unnecessary drama. Far from living from that candy coated world others like to live in, not optimistic enough to ruin my day.

 

But of course, everyone can never be the same, even if we can compare ourselves to a fictional character. Wednesday has the confidence I don’t have. I don’t like myself. She can be so smart that its scary but im not. Yes I can be frank at times only, she has the talent to always speak her mind in everything and every situation and I often kept it to myself.

 

Im not afraid to be alone and im proud of that but it would be great if I have the power to seek justice for myself. Im not afraid of the dark , I find comfort in it. But I don’t have any special talents I can be proud of. Maybe except for being irritatingly socially awkward that I wanted to punch myself every time. I wish I could be more prouder.