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 Am I A burden ? i think I am. A big one. A trash. Useless , unmotivated, no goals. Nothing.

 

Im so sick of myself. I want to be reborn. I need to press a reset button in my life. Not a Pause. Not a refresh. Not the rewind or even fast forward. Just the reset. I feel like im not born for this world. I will never be. Its tiring trying to stay functional.

 

Im not excited for tomorrow, I don’t want to back to yesterday. I just want to sleep for a very long time.

I want to stop caring. I want my mind to stop. I want my world to stop.

 

I hate birthdays. I don’t see any reason to celebrate or even be happy about it.

I don’t want to remind myself that im getting older yet I havent had any accomplishments yet. Nothing.

Just trash.

 

I know I cant change the world. Its too impossible for someone like me.

But I know I can control my own world.

Sometimes I want to fade away.

I want to fly far away.

Or sleep a hundred years.

Got teleported to another realm.

This is not me who watched too much anime.

Its just better than reality.

 

I wonder how long will I bear it.

How strong can I get?

Pretending to be inlove with this world when im not.

How long will I be living the life where I don’t even know myself.

The life so bitter that I can feel the poison it brings to my bones.

 

Time can only tell

But if I had the chance to catch a star

I would love to get that reset button to end this.

 

There were too many tangled lines in my head right now

Sometimes im afraid it might come out.

And people will be terrified.

Since they don’t much about darkness.

They love shiny things.

And rainbows and flowers in spring.

And only a few hearts love autumn.

 

Im afraid that one day my hand will shake and I can no longer command it to stop

What if my eyes get tired of wearing that look of a survivor

And it decides to just stop

And all they can see are the ,hollow parts of my soul

I need to be ready

For when that time comes I don’t want their stares full of pity

At least I don’t deserve that

 

I want to be remembered as the mysterious and weird lady

No pity on her eyes

The leader of the crows

And the mistress of the lions

Fierce and loyal                                                           8.2.22